Opening up a weekly magazine, I read about another celebrity getting a divorce, but oh hey, they lasted 2 years.
I was recently asked if i was happily married, so i asked "Right now?"
"Yes." She said.
"Right now, yes, I'm happily married. Wait an hour, see if he's pissed me off again."
Bobby Bowden, coach of the Florida State Football team said it best:
"I've had 47 wonderful years of marriage. We've been 52, but 47 of those years were wonderful"
I love my husband, i truly do. He is a great dad to our kids, he is an amazing minister and teacher. He's also a man. And there are times i think "If men are from mars and women are from venus, send the men back to mars and we women would be alright."
Marriage isn't supposed to be all hunky dory. There are ups and downs and ups again. It's like a roller coaster - there are times you're so high, you are so in love, you see your spouse and your heart jumps a beat and you get all happy inside. Then, there are times you are in such a deep valley, you can't stand the sound of their voice. They sing and you want to wrap your arms around their neck and just give it a good squeeze.
Hollywood with all their happy marriages and quick divorces, that ain't real life. Real life is sticking in and sticking tight. Walking through the muck of the bad days, months and even year. Look at your kids and remember, "There was a time i loved that person so much we created that perfect child together. We made a vow to stick together through thick and thin, till death to us part."
In the same magazine, i saw that friends were saying that Jennifer Lopez was so happy with A-Rod that if he asked her to marry him today, she would say yes. Really? This woman who has been married three times in 20 years, one marriage lasted one year, another 2 years, and let's not forget the time she was with Ben Affleck - but having been dating A-Rod for three months, she would marry him.
What kind of message is she sending about marriage?
I'm not perfect, Tim is my second marriage, and i've wondered if we had stuck with it, maybe tried counseling, anything, would it have lasted? But he's now happily married to a great woman, and i have Tim and we've raised 4 amazing kids together.
I've heard it said that most divorces happen in the 7th, 12th and 20th year of marriage. Well, Tim and i passed those marks. but dang, i still want to slap him silly some times.
When he frustrates me, i think, "I love my husband, i love my husband, i love my husband." There are times i keep repeating that until i can breathe again.
Do i think some marriages are just done and can't be repaired, sadly yes. But i also know way too many marriages were thrown away because someone thought the grass was greener on the other side. Either side, the grass still needs to be mown, fertilized and weeded - bad times - need to be pulled. It needs to be tended to, so it can grown into a healthy green lawn.
Last night Tim and i were out on a date and we met another couple. They have 3 kids, the oldest i believe was 16, and they said they often come to the place we were at. They spent time together as a couple - laughing, drinking, meeting another couple and sharing funny stories together.
My biggest piece of advice - remove the words "YOU ALWAYS" and "DIVORCE" from your vocabulary. No more "well you always do this" and "You always do that." Each day is fresh and yes, they will always do something wrong and it was grate on your nerves like no tomorrow. Well, guaranteed, you do something that drives that person crazy, too. You are two completely different people and no way can you have everything in common and after years of marriage, that person is still going to do the thing that irritates the crap out of you.
And if you completely over-react about something that person does, think "WHY?" Why does that action, that motion, that habit send me over the edge. Then look in the mirror, because the issue might be with you, not that persons habit,
I know when Tim plans something out of the blue and i'm asked to just go along with it...and something goes wrong - i became an ugly person, i get upset, i yell, and i blame him for not being perfect and making sure everything was ready before we set out.
After a lot of prayer and self-examination, i acknowledge the problem was me. I can't handle when things are out of my control and things go wrong that i have no control over. As a child of alcoholic parents, things happened all the time. nothing was in my control and things were never stable or straight forward. And i had no control to fix it. Now, i don't blame my childhood for my screaming at Tim. The problem is me and i need to deal with it for the sake of my kids and my marriage.
If you are standing on that edge and thinking "I can't do it anymore," i'm here, let's talk.
I'm here.
I love you.
